I thought I'd escaped from this for the most part, but I wonder if everyone at work was right this morning when they said that she'd dropped even lower over the weekend. Because now I've got a little bit of an ouch in my right buttock and the left side of my symphysis pubis when I walk. Feels kind of like there's got to be a little head wedged in there. Here's hoping that's the case!
Squirmy has been insanely active again today, with feet and knees flying all over. It's so nice and reassuring, though occasionally I could do without her trying to stick a foot out the right side of my stomach. I'll miss the crazy moving belly after she's out in the real world.
I had a couple sad patient encounters today, where I felt guilty for being pregnant in the way that only an IFer who's gone through their share of pregnancy/baby envy can feel. I did a consult on a patient who was coming for another lap for endo. Sitting there with my gigantic belly, I felt obliged to be unprofessional and say that IF was really hard, and that we'd been through it ourselves to get pregnant with this baby. At the end of the appointment when I asked whether her C/S had been under epidural or spinal, and she said epidural and I said oh, hopefully for failure to progress rather than any emergency, she told me that she'd been in labour for 24 hours, and then the baby's heartrate had dropped and they'd been too slow to take her for C/S, and her baby was born still. Oh God, how awful was that? And that was after 5 years of TTC, and now they've been unable to conceive again afterwards. She told me to be really vigilant during my labour and wished me luck. Later on, I thought I should go reassess an epidural on another patient who'd had it in for over 36 hours on L&D, because she was being induced for intrauterine fetal demise at 22 weeks. I felt so bad going in there with the big belly too, like I was throwing the loss of her pregnancy in her face.
This child seriously feels like she's trying to squirm her way out through my cervix right now. Head bopping on it, feet pushing on my ribs a bit - yikes!
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11 comments:
Oh my, I have had some big belly guilt myself but I cannot even imagine...those poor women, that rips my heart out.
I get so scared of someone making a mistake during labor that could hurt/kill my babies...
Pelvic pain - oh my - I have had it for weeks and it is excruciating - hard to turn over in bed, get up from sitting, hard to walk...yes, hopefully that means our little ones are where they are supposed to be and that it won't be too much longer...
Wow- what a strange place to be in. I've had a few instances in which I got a look from someone I suspect may have been through something- its so sad..... I would have broken with 'professionalism' and told. I personally think its good bedside manner since it helps ease some ache when you knwo others have an idea of your heartache.
I hope that she is getting active because she's as ready to meet you and make her debut as you are!
Gosh, your job sure has a devastating downside, when you face such sad stories as those. And I'm so sorry for those women.
Your empathy though, sharing some of your own difficulties getting pregnant, I'm sure was much appreciated. As a former social worker, I remember thinking that too often we were encouraged to hide behind "professionalism" when often people just needed a bit of humanity from us. I'm sure your words made a difference.
What a day of sad patient encounters, breaks my heart for any woman having to go through something like that. I can't even imagine the devastation they are facing.
Sounds like squirmy is getting herself ready to go! Won't be long now.
PS... thanks for the comment on my blog. I'm doing great, just didn't have much of an update at week 23, so decided that I'll combine week 23-24 this Wed.
Please know you are in my prayers....my son and his wife are expecting their first child next month after a very long time of TTC.Now She too is soooooo anxious about something going wrong.....can't wait to hear your little one has safely arrive!......God bless....Karen
It is amazing how experiencing IF really makes us so much more sensitive to the pain of others. There are times that I've sat with others who I know are going through IF and feel just so guilty. Because I remember the same pain in my own eyes as I looked at others who were pregnant. But I also think it makes use appreciate where we are...because we know it didn't come easy...and it also gives us an opportunity to be a friend to others going through something similar.
Anyways, sure hope that baby is starting to wiggle itself out...come on baby, it's time!
Hi Kate..just want to wish you the best of luck with your delivery. We had our beautiful baby girl on January 19 and although I was so worried something would go wrong - we could not have asked for an easier labour!
I found your blog through Dash of Diva's and have been following..I'm 34 and my Dh is 43 as well. Nicole is our first miracle after many heartbreaking miscarriages but now that she's here she is so worth it.
Take care and all the best!
ps..I love my UppaBaby!!!!!!
xx
wow...i sometimes feel guilty too, but can't imagine how intense those moments would be for the women you are working with and for you...painful.
and glad to know your little babe is dropping--sorry for the pain of it though!
I finally wandered over to your blog, Kate! :)
I'm sure your experiences with IF have and will make you a better provider (without a doubt). You have an insider's perspective that many providers don't - I can imagine how hard it is right now though with your big belly.
Hope squirmy makes her way out son!!!!! 39weeks 4days almost makes me want to cry for you! And you're still on your feet! Wow!
Hope baby day is soon!!!!!!!!
Lindsey
Fertile Journeys
i'm so sad for those patients. at least you know how much IF hurts - good for you for sharing your story.
i miss my pregnancy belly and i always will.
can't wait until your day finally arrives!
Thanks for the comment about the anemia...I emailed Mo and told her that I was better off with public donation for sure! LOL. I guess we will play it by ear - but I am going to ask the doc today about my options...
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