A year ago today was our ER. I was home with the heating pad on my belly, admiring the bruises and poke marks on my hands from the 5 failed IV attempts. Felt otherwise good though, since I hadn't had any meds aside from local in the vaginal wall.
Our daughter was being conceived in a dish in the lab. Thank God for modern medicine.
This year, I'm so grateful to have her, even as I continue to struggle with breastfeeding and the feelings of inadequacy associated with the struggles. As one of my bloggy buddies said, not being able to breastfeed easily feels like yet another way my body has failed me, along with the troubles getting and staying pregnant.
I'm also pretty teary-eyed today, looking at her and thinking to myself that I return to work in another 2 days, and will never "live" her as intensely again. In a week or so, she may well prefer DH to me, and be consoled by him when I can't do it. On the one hand, I'm looking forward to returning to work, using my brain, seeing my colleagues. On the other hand I know I'll miss her desperately. My sweetie pie.
We had our first dinner out alone last night while my mother was visiting. Went to a Vietnamese place a 5 min drive from our house, and got called to come back while I was finishing my meal (I'm a really slow eater) because K was absolutely inconsolable. By the time we got home, she'd passed out.
PS. We had a good doctor's visit yesterday. She was up to 4640g (10lb4oz) by their scale (I'd gotten 4570g at home prior to the feed she had while waiting), 40cm head circumference, and 63cm long (I got 62cm at home this morning). Seems my baby has had a growth spurt this last week or so, which might explain how much extra EBM she's eating with each feed. She used to be pretty satisfied after about 30cc, now it's more like 45-50cc. And one night she sucked back almost 90cc. I hope the spurt ends soon - right now I'm thinking I ought to try to keep her amount of supplement fairly steady at 35-40cc, and let her come to the breast and make me pump more frequently if she's working to get more in in a day. We'll see how that goes, but it makes sense to me, since a regularly breastfeeding baby would simply feed more frequently during a growth spurt in order to boost the supply. Any thoughts?
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6 comments:
How far you have come!!! :)
Can't believe you're heading back to work! Time flies. Its awesome how you've stuck with BFing despite all the challenges.
Happy surprising wonderful momentous year!
I have no idea how to deal with anything you are struggling with, I just know you are brave and your baby is beautiful and healthy and clearly thriving. I wish things were much easier for you--
sending love
and hopes that your re-entry into work works for all of you.
xoxo
kate
Happy ER Anniversary! It is so weird to thing that just a year ago little K was just a hope in your heart and now she is a precious angel in your arms. Makes me teary eyed! Oh, wishing you so much luck and positive thoughts as you head back to work. I know it will be hard for you but you'll get back into the swing of it. And just think of how excited little K will be each day to see her mommy!
A good anniversary like this is a nice thing to celebrate... makes some of the bad ones not as painful.
With M in daycare I really worry about his relationship with me. Is he as excited as I think he should be to see me when I pick him up? Does he like the workers better than me. One of the girls that takes care of him said to me the other day that 'he has really become my little buddy.' I call him 'my little buddy'... I had to really think about how I felt about her statement and I'm glad. Glad that he likes it there (now) and glad that she (and they) like him. He still has all the love in the world for me and his father and loves to spend time with us. Kara will be so happy to see you at the end of everyday... she may show it differently than you expect her to, but she will always know who Mommy is.
And on the growth spurt thing, definitely let her spend more time at the breast. I hope you see an increase in supply from it.
First of all, please, please, please don't feel inadequate because of your bfing issues...you are doing the best that you can and that is all that matters to K. She is healthy and growing - you can't ask for anything more!! Secondly, I think it might be a good idea to do as you planned with keeping her at 35-40 cc and then having her nurse...that'll help maintain or increase your milk supply! You are doing a GREAT job, Kate...
Happy ER Anniversary...mine's coming up soon, too. What a difference a year makes!! :)
K seems to be doing well and although my babies were born earlier, corrected gestational age would put them at the same actual age of K and they are weighing in at 10lbs 15.8oz and 11lbs 8.1oz so they're very similar in weight. No one has said boo to me about them being too small so you're doing a great job BFing. You should be proud of yourself especially given your struggles. Yes I know it feels as though your body is letting you down but remind yourself (as I have to remind myself) that as of right now, YOU ARE DOING IT. You are feeding your baby 100% breast milk and although it has been really, really hard, you are still doing it.
As for boosting supply during a growth spurt, I think you're right in allowing her to come to the breast more frequently. If you normally fed every 3 hours and now she's going every 2 hours, there will be more feeds in a day and she will get more which will boost supply.
As it is early Monday morning (3:42am to be exact!), I wish you a very happy return to work. I hope you don't miss her too much and that the day goes without complications. Is your DH looking after her?
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