We went to the lactation consultants to see if there's anything I can do at this point to improve her latch (nope, too late now, what's there is what we've got) and to figure out how much she's getting from me at a feed (this was worse than usual, since she only really drank from one side, but she only took 22g from me, less than 1oz). That's worse than she was doing early on. I guess now she's older she's more interested in stuff around her, and more easily distractible.
Interestingly this LC said that the ones I saw a month or so ago were wrong to suggest I cup feed her when I went back to work, because a baby this age just won't take to cup feeding. A newborn will, and an older baby will, but not a 3 month old. Glad to know I didn't fail at cup feeding because of something I was doing wrong.
Kara had her first formula today. I cried a little. I struggled for so long to avoid it, and now it's here. It might be a good thing that the LC had me try it out there, so that I didn't have that much time to overthink it and to keep thinking I could get away without it, especially if we start to introduce solids this weekend. I was just relieved she'd take it, since I keep hearing from people that it's disgusting-tasting.
On the positive side of things, she's now finally 5022g, or 11lb.
Tonight is supposed to be my first night on call since I gave it up last Sept due to early contractions. If I have to go in, it will be my first night away from Kara. Hoping for either a busy night with good income, or a quiet quiet one where I don't even have to go in to work.
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8 comments:
I'm sorry things didn't work out the way you wanted to. However, I am SO impressed with your perserverance to keep at it for this long. Kara is lucky to have such a good mom to work so hard at it. Formula isn't the devil- she's still going to grow up healthy and strong and loving her mom and dad. Give yourself a big pat on the back for a job well done. You obviously hung in there much much longer than I did!
I am so sorry that bf'ing isn't going well. I truly can't imagine the psychological pain of that not working out.
Again, I admire your dedication. I wish I still lived in the area - I'd donate, if you were interested.
As for distractability, I've got the queen of that here (since she was 6 weeks old!). Two ideas - maybe they're helpful for you. One is a sling: baby can't move or twist around or look at anything. Just food! I can't live without my sling, partly for that reason. The other is a nursing necklace: it gives her something to look at and play with as she's eating. Maybe it would help you, maybe it won't, but it's good to be aware, I always say!
I know this most be especially sad given how hard you've worked at breastfeeding. Kate is lucky to have a mommy willing to do so much to give her the very best. And she's gotten breast milk for 3 full months! That's awesome! You've done a terrific job.
Hope that your on-call night worked out!
I mean Kara :)
Going back to work must be so hard. I am not looking forward to that day at all! Hope it went well!
I'm sorry that she's getting some formula now. I know that you did everything you could to avoid it, and that counts for something. But there certainly are worse things and maybe it will help you out a little to not feel so burdened and pushed to produce. I know I haven't had nearly as many struggles as you and I get to feeling down about BFing from time to time.
I think formula smells awful, but I don't know that babies care at all and I think one reason why is that they can't smell it in bottle and if you can't smell it, then you can't really taste it.
Just caught up on your last 4 posts. I'm so sorry for all the problems you've run into with breast feeding. Just know that you did everything you could have and stuck in there way longer than most would have. I've had my fare share of BFing issues as well, I still need to blog about them, but have to finish my marathon birth story first. The pic of Kara is adorable!!! So glad to hear that her first adventure in her crib went pretty well and hope to hear that it continues to go well. Good job mama!
I wish this had not been (and was not now) so hard for you-- I wish this were always an easy option. Wish the myth were true: "Just breast feed", as if that is a failsafe fall back plan that just works-- well wouldn't that be great?
having been around the internet awhile, I can say I hear more struggle than success, and I wish it were different.
Kara has had 3 whole months of breastmilk-- that is awesome!
I am sorry, truly, for you though- I know that this is not what you wanted. I hope you'll be gentle with yourself, give yourself a break, treat yourself like you would a dear friend in the same situation-- you would be compassionate and say honey, you did all that you possibly could to have this turn out differently. It sucks shit, yes it does. But it will be ok.
Kate, it will be ok. I'm sorry it is shit right now.
sending love,
Kate
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