Thanksgiving drama

Thanksgiving was a little too emotionally draining for my taste. We went to visit my Mum for the weekend, who lives by herself and was forced to retire in May May. DH and I are pretty quiet in general, and just like being around other people who are doing stuff, rather than spending the whole time in avid conversation. Mum got offended because we spoke too much German to each other (it's hard to remember to speak English around others at times) and felt left out. She spent 3 hours upstairs on Sunday evening, taking off without a word and leaving DH and I feeling like we must have offended her somehow.

Monday morning I got upset when looking through some boxes of stuff she put aside for me to move to our new house when we take posession, including some of my childhood books. I had a couple big treasuries of fairy tales that I read a ton as a kid, and one of them she'd put in the box on end, which tore and scrunched the cover on the back at the top. I treated that book so carefully as a kid (starting at age 3), so it was in pristine condition, and I'm totally obsessive about my books staying in good shape (can't stand to crack a spine on a paperback or wreck the cover on a hardcover). I guess the hormones didn't help, so I ended up crying over it at breakfast when she started in at me and asking why I was sulking. I was upset and trying to not make a big deal about it rather than sulking.

And then she started ranting about how I had more important things to worry about/get upset about (as if I don't know that). And how she'd spent hours sorting out books and baby stuff for me, and I was totally ungrateful. And so selfish, since I get upset when she gives things to my brother. He's not sentimental, was never particularly into reading, and likes to get new stuff for his kids. He's gotten things from our childhoods simply because he didn't have infertility for the last 4 years and managed to have the kids first. She doesn't get that I'm (probably stupidly, but there you have it) very attached to old books that I have memories of reading. And I also don't really understand why she's keeping (for herself) all these old childhood books of hers that she gave to me to read as a kid. I spent hours a few years back going through all of them, cataloguing which ones we had of different series or authors that I loved, and bought books off Ebay or via second-hand bookstores to complete the collections. She even told me last year that she wanted a hand mixer for Christmas rather than some "old books" that I'd lovingly stocked up on for her years ago, so I would have assumed that she wasn't really into the old books any more. She supposedly wants to keep them for grandkids to read at her place, but my brother and his kids rarely visit her there, and I'm sure my future kids would get more enjoyment out of them if they had access to them at my house. Anyhow. She thinks I'm unreasonable and selfish, and I'm hurt that she wants to give so much stuff that I'm terribly attached to to my brother who really couldn't care less.

I hope my relationship with my daughter is a little easier than mine with my mother! That's right, our T2 ultrasound last week showed that this is going to be a girl, which I'm very excited about. I hope they didn't get the sex wrong! If she does come early, girls do better than boys. And DH and I have NO boys names at this point, so we were hoping we wouldn't have to struggle to come up with one.

I had another U/S today to check cervical length. Last week it was at 5cm, long and definitely closed for the full length. This week, it was supposedly 6.3cm (?). To me it looked a little like the inner os wasn't as well defined, and that the inner part of the canal wasn't as tightly closed, so I'm not banking on that being the true measurement, despite what the radiologist said. I guess I'll see what next week's scan shows. I just hope it continues to stay up around the 5cm mark, so that I can keep on staying relatively calm, despite the ongoing contractions/tightenings. After Friday, if I'm concerned I'll be able to go get checked out at L&D rather than having to go to the ER. And after 20 weeks, I think they will actually treat you for premature labour if that ends up being the diagnosis. So bring on 20 weeks (and even more importantly 24 and then 28 weeks!).

They didn't give me a great shot from the 18w4d U/S last week, so here's one from this week at 19w4d. Please continue to hang in there cervix (with a lot of help from God and my progesterone suppositories, of course)! Of course, I wouldn't be hurt if the contractions went away too.

And I'm pretty sure I can feel her kicking from outside at this point. I thought so during the middle of last week, which seemed really soon after feeling the first possible kicks at 18w2d. I definitely had a couple nudges over the weekend and again today. DH hasn't managed to get in on the action yet, but hopefully he will soon. At this point, by the time I notice and confirm the feeling, she's stopped kicking.