Where do we go from here?

The night after the BFN, when I was hope exhausted post-call and feeling very sorry for myself after a teary day on the couch, I got chatting with one of my online friends who I'd just met up with IRL. She's pretty awesome - I don't know how she deals with working full-time and her twins, one of whom has a pretty severe global developmental delay. I tell you, an hour or so of chatting with her really kicked my ass and gave me back my perspective on things. So I may only have one child. She's healthy, loving, and all-around wonderful. I don't have to deal with a severely disabled child, which I honestly don't think I'm patient or nice enough to do. If we ever do get pregnant again, I'll spend the pregnancy and much of the first year worried about what if there's something wrong with the kid. I started appreciating my blessings a heck of a lot more by the end of the evening.
It took 4 days for AF to arrive after going off the meds. It arrived on the same day we had a playdate with friends who'd let drop in the date-confirming email that they're pregnant! with #2, due in Jan. I was dreading the playdate, and emailed back to say congrats, and BTW, we've had another miscarriage and it looks like #2 isn't an option for us after trying high-tech help again. I wanted to forestall any questions about when we're going to go for it, and hoped she'd get why I wasn't able to make any pregnancy-related small talk. Even so, I was annoyed when her husband brought up needing to do some painting around the house because M was going to move to the big-girl room to make way for the baby. And how she'll be enjoying next summer while off on her mat leave. Thank God she was looking fat and lumpy rather than obviously pregnant at this stage. At least I could look down and enjoy my relatively flat stomach and small ass when the jealousy hit.
By CD3, I'd made up my mind that I'd give it a total shot in the dark and would use up the leftover fertility meds. I had 3x50mg + 25mg clomi.d, 2x300IU Gon.al-F, and 600IU Men.opur, along with some Org.alutran and HCG in my stash. All of it was way outdated, and the Gona.l-F was taking up room in the fruit drawer in my fridge for the last 3 years. I thought I might as well use all of it up this cycle and see if the meds were still good enough to recruit a couple follicles for some old-fashioned BDing, and pray for the best. Things started out looking promising, with multiple antrals taking off (I have access to ultrasound at work, so can scan myself transabdominally for progress). Unfortunately things quickly crapped out, and many stopped growing, and the couple that did grow are growing slowly. The lining is still only about 6mm too, so I'm thinking that this cycle has no real chance of success. Bummer, but not unexpected. My hopes had certainly risen in the first few days on stims when I saw multiple follicles responding though, so I'm still pretty crushed. I guess at least I'll have cleaned all that crap out of the house.
All that's left to me now is praying that I'll ovulate on my own, and trying to jump DH at the right time.

In K news, she's almost 2.5 years old now. 96.2cm (37.9"), 13.1kg (28.8lb). She's a joy (most of the time). She's got a tendency to be a little whiny these days, but we're trying to keep that under control. She loves to share (especially if it means she gets to eat your food), and can't really stand up for herself or her toys at the playground, since she'll let anyone grab stuff out of her hands with little protest. She's very active, and loves to run around with Papa. Her temper tantrums seem to be fewer and farther between these days. I started reading 1-2-3 Ma.gic again, and a couple timeouts seem to be enough to get her back under control. The other thing that works really well is telling her that something isn't "brav gunug fuer C" (= not well-behaved enough for vitamin C) as she's totally excited every day to have her chewable orange vitamin C before bed.
She's speaking in full sentences now (even up to about 8 words and with correct prepositions and verb tenses), and telling stories. Sometimes it can be hard to recognize certain words, which I'm sure isn't made easier by the bilingual environment she lives in. Our nanny asked last week where she learned the word girdle, and it took me a couple seconds to realize K had been talking about a Guertel (= belt). She loves to sing, and apparently at a friends 3rd bday party last week, realized no one was singing after the cake. She went to the play room, grabbed the maracas, and came back out singing happy birthday to the birthday boy. Everyone else joined in till he started to cry and his nanny asked everyone to stop singing.
K hard her first visit to Mama's work yesterday. I took her and our nanny in to tour the hospital and meet some of the nurses and doctors I work with. She's dying to go back again, so I'm guessing she wasn't too phased by seeing laparoscopic instruments in someone's belly along with the TV picture of what they were doing inside. When we poked our heads in the first OR, she saw a bloody gauze lying on the patient's legs and asked me "Was machen die da?" (= what are they doing there). She seemed ok with the comment that they were working to make the patient better. She particularly liked nurse A who gave her a lollipop, and was a little less shy when she met the recovery room nurses who gave her an orange popsicle. She keeps talking about becoming Dr P, so we'll see if she's right some day.
K's starting to pick out more letters. She easily picks out "K fuer K____" (K for K____), "M fuer Mama", and O. We'll see how long it takes for her to pick up the rest of them.

The most annoying thing right now is trying to get our wills done. We saw a supposedly international expert on German-Canadian stuff in July, and just got a huge bill from him when he asked for a huge retainer and gave us no idea what had already been done. We're going to complain about it, as we hadn't had a retainer agreement, they went ahead and drafted some stuff without our ok, when I thought we'd asked them to research a couple things first, and the highest-costing lawyer waffled on and on and couldn't get to the point during our initial meeting with him. It took about 2 times longer than it really needed to. It's too bad we don't really know of any good alternative lawyer to turn to, nor do we want to throw away more good money on another initial meeting and research that this guy has already been done. We had the impression from talking to him and reading his website that he already knew the ins and outs of an international will, and didn't think they'd have to spend hours researching different things. We'll see how this goes now. We're going to email back and complain about the high fees, and see if any can be reduced. I hate to think how much it will cost to complete things. I don't like this pay-by-the-hour uncertainty stuff. I only got about 4.5 hours of sleep last night because I was so insomnia worrying/being pissed off at it all.

That's pretty much it for new stuff around here. (Apart from wasps nests and a leaking skylight.) Life sure can be a challenge!