Mommy guilt

DH is off in South Africa for business for 8 days, so K and I had an all-girls weekend. I was on call last Thurs and Fri and was around to pick her up from JK for lunch and drop off after lunch both days, which she was totally thrilled about. I'd been supposed to take her to school on Thurs, but then got stuck covering for a colleague after my 7am meeting finished and he was going to be up to 1h late for the OR. I felt so horrible phoning home to say that I wasn't going to make it for breakfast and to take her to school as promised.When I picked her up for lunch and apologized, she just said "Das ist OK Mama" (= that's OK Mama) and we headed home.

Then I had the morning off work today. We snuggled, she ate while I packed her snack, and then I took her to school. We had lunch together and I dropped her off for the afternoon before heading to work. 

Tonight over dinner, and again at bedtime, she said:  "Du sollst immer bei mir bleiben Mama. Du sollst alle deine Meetings absagen, und kein Nachtdienst machen. Du sollst nicht mehr arbeiten und immer bei mir sein." (= you should always stay with me Mama. You should cancel all your meetings and not do night call. You shouldn't work any more and always be with me.) When I asked her how we would pay for things, she said "Wir koennten von Papa's Gehalt leben." (= we could live on Papa's salary) and then said something about how I don't earn anything anyhow. Funny kid!

So now I'm left feeling guilty that I don't spend enough time with my child and am working too hard. I can't see being able to cut back much, and it wouldn't really make sense now that she's in school for 5h a day M-F. My heartstrings have been tugged though...