I think AF is about to arrive as the red spotting has started and my back's feeling iffy. I'm ready to cry because (as usual) trying (on my part) au natural this month didn't work. DH doesn't want a second. How do we move on from here? I don't want K to be an only. I don't want her to be alone dealing with old geezer parents or no parents later in life. I want her to have a built-in playmate, someone to share life with. And I want just one more little baby of my own to cuddle and raise.
I get the feeling DH isn't going to budge on this one, and it's tearing me up inside.
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8 comments:
I am so sorry. I am in a similar situation, although I have two kids now- I would like to at least try unassisted for another chance at being pregnant, and my DH is not on board and will never be. I wish there was some way you could compromise.
I'm sorry. I hope that his heart will change.
Michael is getting more curious about babies and siblings and it makes me want another. Maybe K will be the one to change his heart.
Compromise is hard on this one, isn't it? Sorry to hear you're in the same situation.
K does love babies, so I'm hoping she'll help to bring him around. Barring that, I think we're going to have to sit down for a hard heart-to-heart about why we each want/don't want another, so we can see where the problem lies. Not sure how that will go though. And I don't want to wait forever for him to change his mind.
Oh, Kate - so sorry that you are going through this. I remember when we were really struggling with IF and I broached the subject of adoption with DH - he was vehemently against it, even though I knew that I could definitely fall in love with a child that wasn't biologically mine. At the end of the day, I know that if we hadn't been successful with ART, we would be living a child-free lifestyle.
Sigh. Why can't it be easier than this? If you need to talk, send me a PM on ivf.ca or e-mail me.
Thinking of you,
SR
Meh. I am living in this same boat. I don't even feel like I have a place to talk about it because both my husband and MIL follow my blog. It's no fun at all. The worst part is the yucky IF monster that's starting to rear its ugly head again. This whole time I've been genuinely happy for friends getting pregnant, but lately each announcement feels like a punch in the stomach. More than being sad about the prospect of no more children, I feel seriously furious with my husband for acting like babies are just an expensive inconvenience. This from the man who used to complain that my time in grad school was impeding his desire to start a family already.
Sorry to vent in your comments! But I know what you're going through, and it sucks and I'm sorry you're going through it too.
Lisa - I'm so sorry you're stuck here too. The IF monster isn't as bad as pre-baby, but it's still there. Like you, it's the selfishness thing. DH admits he doesn't want another because it would cramp our style more. Would delay cool family vacations another 2-3 years, would take away (possibly) more time that we could have together. He also worries that getting pg, staying pg, and breastfeeding/pumping will consume me for the better part of 2 years again. And that it'll be a challenge to figure out where to put baby #2. I think two kids would just share a room for the next 8-10 years till one can move to the basement bedroom. He doesn't think kids should share a room, and I don't see why not. It's a big house, just poorly laid out.
I know having a second will put an extra strain on things, but I'd love a second baby to love and see develop, and I'd love to see K as a big sister. I don't want her to be lonely later in life with older parents. I figure the short-term pain (sleeplessness, dying nipples) will be outweighted pretty quickly by the good stuff that comes along with a child.
If you need to vent some more, feel free to email me at drk2004@hotmail.com
Hugs!
I'm sorry about this cycle. I'm sorry about you DH not budging. I would be in the exact same place if this surprise pregnancy hadn't happened, and I have no idea what I would have done. S was vehemently against it, and I don't think he would have changed his mind and agreed to pursue treatments. I have the same reasons as you for wanting another, and I think they are valid and reasonable. All of S's concerns were temporary ones that would work themselves out in a few years (sleepless nights, bf issues, pg discomforts, etc). We had several discussions and arguments and in none of them did he show any signs of budging. I was looking into counselors (for me first and then us as a couple) when the bfp happened because I was so depressed.
Since the decision was taken out of his hands with this surprise, he has been mostly resigned to it, but a little distant. He says he is okay with it (what other choice does he have now?). I hope that this doesn't become a wedge between us. I'm fairly hopeful that he will love and adore this new baby. I can't imagine that either of them wouldn't, once put in the situation. I hope that your DH will come around, or that you will get pg naturally sooner.
Oh how I hear you. Bhaji was my I Can't Imagine Not Doing This Again baby and an uphill battle all the way.
I totally get the feeling. And the feeling there isn't forever to sort it.
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