AF arrived again yesterday. Today my nanny told me one of the other neighbourhood Moms I've met (who failed once again to get in touch about meeting up at the park this weekend - which she had suggested) is pregnant again. Her daughter is younger than K by a few months. Our other friend across the street has a 2 month old and a not-yet-2-year-old. And her first was a product of IVF.DH is still very against having another. He kept saying on the weekend that he can barely cope with one, and that two would just fight. I said they could play together. He says he's so on edge with K, needing to keep an eye on her at all times, that he wouldn't be able to deal with two. That makes me so sad. I want another baby (though I do have my moments of doubt when I wonder how hard it could be), but I also want K to have a sibling to grow up with. My brother and I fought from time to time, but at least it was never lonely, and someone else will be there when it comes time to take care of aging parents.
I just wish I could be normal and get pg by having sex at the appropriate time a couple months in a row. That's just never going to happen.
The other bad thing: a neighbour asked us on Sat night as we came home from dinner whether we were aware of the damage to our garage that had happened 2-3 days before. It's off a laneway, and I don't directly look at that corner when parking because I'm concentrating on swinging the car around into the right spot to be able to back in. Then I get out of the car inside the garage and head out the rear door to the house. It looks like someone in a big truck backed into the eavestrough and edge of the roof, ripping off about 3 feet of eavestrough, a couple of the asphalt shingles, soffit, and some of the wood. Then they cold-heartedly tore off the dangling piece of eavestrough and the wrecked shingles, and cleaned up so we wouldn't notice. Didn't leave a note or ring the doorbell, of course. There's one house being built 4 doors up the laneway which has had big trucks in and out lately. The other house across the lane has also been doing construction recently. We spoke to them yesterday, and they said they'd ask their contractor about it. We phoned the guy who's building up the street, and he's going to ask his foreman. I doubt anyone will admit to causing the damage though. It's so irritating!
K's speech is growing so quickly now. We read a book yesterday and she said approximations of Schmetterling (butterfly) and Eichhoernchen (squirrel) that were really quite good. She loves to point out the Mond (moon) in books, and insists on calling the sun the moon as well. I think she's going to love it the next time we're flying somewhere because she excitedly points out "Liega" (Flieger = airplane) every time she sees or hears a plane flying overhead. She loves reading books with us, which is great. She loves listening to music, and always wants to pick up a maraca or other noisy toy to shake along to it while she sways back and forth dancing.
And what was really cute this morning? She went and got my underwear after I got out of the shower, then my jeans, and then brought over the pile of my bra, shirt, and sweatshirt and handed things to me in the right order. What a sweet and clever girl!
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3 comments:
K sounds amazing! You are really enjoying yourself, and why shouldn't you; each age/stage just gets better.
I don't know what to tell you to say to DH to get him on board for another child. It must be heartbreaking to be on completely opposite sides of the idea. It sounds like you've tried reasoning with him using all the typical scenarios.
If I may, I can offer some observations of my own. I operate a home-based daycare and look after 2 only children who are now ages 4 and 5. Both children, while smart and polite, have a lot of difficulty interacting with children their own age. Since most of their time is spent with adults they play differently than their peers and struggle making meaningful friendships. While most of the Kindergarden aged children are running around the playground after school, they sit with the adults and listen in. Both boys are from separate families and are not in the same class at school but are familiar with one another from my house. They need constant redirection when involved in a play activity together because neither can direct the other since they've both always relied on an adult for that. They have difficulty making choices and following through on then (ie. taking out a puzzle to complete with me and then leaving it as soon as I leave to change a diaper). I truly feel that much of these behaviours are due to them being the only child in their family.
Do you know any families who have older only children whom you'd be able to meet up with and chat about pros and cons? I would hope a family with an 8 year old would have great insight into life with an only child. It may help change your feeling of K needing a sibling, even.
I am sorry that you are feeling discouraged. S felt (and to some extent does still feel) very reluctant about being able to handle a second, and I think that if this surprise hadn't happened, it would be incredibly difficult to get him on board. And honestly, I worry that if this doesn't go well, it will mean he will want to be more careful with birth control to prevent another natural bfp (however unlikely that would still be!).
But hey, we had pcos and crap male factor and somehow it happened. There is always hope, even with low statistics. I really hope that you get a sibling for K. She sounds like such a sweet little girl! S used the divorce word in a couple of our fights about ttc #2 and I was extremely nervous about telling him once I did get the positive pee stick. His first response was a somewhat cold "well congratulations i guess". Then he seemed more okay about it. Then he had a day of completely freaking out. Then he has been okay. Then we had a rough night with Birdie after flying all night, and he freaked out again. I hope that he starts to feel okay about it consistently.
I am sorry about the damage to your garage. That really sucks that they did not own up to it. Karma will get them.
Just wanted to chime in so you at least won't feel alone in this. My husband has been pretty negative about having a second child. When he first told me, it felt like my heart sank to the very pit of my stomach. And he told me when we were out at dinner on a mini-vacation, so I couldn't even cry or react the way I wanted to. It's been a consistent source of frustration for me. I feel envious of friends and bloggers whose husbands are openly excited to have more (in some cases up to 5) children. His arguments include financial reasons, worrying that he'll never get to enjoy his old hobbies again, and just the overall stress that goes along with a newborn. But I think part of it has to do with the fact that we can't get pregnant naturally. Men seem to take it really hard when they have fertility issues. Having to get pregnant by seeing a doctor I think really effects their pride and sense of manliness. He has acknowledged that if we got pregnant naturally that would be pretty awesome. So I do think that's a lot of his hesitation. Just recently he has started to talk about timing for another. I think he's finally starting to realize how important this is to me, but I still wish he seemed as excited as me about the idea. I don't want to have another baby if he's going to secretly resent me for it. I hope the two of you start to see more eye-to-eye soon, and know that you're not alone.
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